Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
