and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
4 words: hood of his car
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
