you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
