the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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