Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
