Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
