Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
