JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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