Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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