So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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