a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
