i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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