You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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