Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm having to shit out rocks
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