I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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