I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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