Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
