but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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