Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
