If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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