I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
