if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
