no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
