He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
