he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
