do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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