The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
