PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
