Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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