dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its about making memories worth repressing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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