We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
