Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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