So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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