Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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