Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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