shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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