Someone shit on the floor
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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