my phone needs a breathalizer
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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