you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
