saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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