We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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