this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
