Plan B is the new Plan A
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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