Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
