Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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