yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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