The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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