11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
