i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
