Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
